Whiny Amanda is whiny.
I am not even sure what exactly I want to type. I have retyped an entry about five times now, but nothing I write gets my point across and relieves the knots in my stomach. I think I am cursed. I have obviously done something very terrible that I do not remember that has ruined my karma in relationships. I am a people pleaser. I go out of my way to do things for other people, and I put their happiness before my own. Relationships are a two way street, and I keep finding myself enamored by people who could care less about me unless I am putting in all the effort, however, I’ll never say anything because I rather myself be upset than to make someone else feel bad. I want to find someone who actually likes me for me, not for what I do for them. Someone who will give me a chance and mutually take care of me as I take care of them. I think I am a genuinely nice person. I think I am fun and interesting, but when every guy I seem to fall for could care less about me it really makes me start to question myself. I do not think a text here and there that I do not send first is too much to ask for. I do not think wishing me a happy birthday on Facebook is too much to ask for. No. Instead all I get is what I can do for them and never them doing something for me. This still is not what I wanted to say at all. And I am half tempted to delete everything again and try to type it over, but I know I cannot put into words what I am feeling. I just want to feel cared for and not used for once. I want someone to hold hands with, hug, talk to at 3am when I cannot sleep, and someone who I can take care of and know that when I need them to do the same for me they will be there.
And I already fell like a terrible person for being upset about this. I swear a certain few people will be the death of me.